Near incoherent drivel

Bald bears

2011-09-02T00:57:00.000+10:00

So I've been hearing that various hair related products can make certain people go bald. Hair straighteners and hair dyes mainly. I don't know if it's true, but I don't see why people would take that risk. Clearly they are working on their hair because they value hair that looks nice, but people that care how their hair looks are the ones it would be worse for in going bald. If I went bald I don't think I'd care that much. As long as I've got my beard I'm happy. Happy beard day by the way. Actually I probably would go the comb over and it would look terrible. I don't really care about that at this point though. I might when it happens. It will happen though. My ancestors are balding, on both sides of my family. I would like to do that rad thing with my hair that the Japanese men often do if I go bald. It might be called a top knot, I'm not sure. I'm definitely going to curse people who call me bald in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears will come out of the woods and tear up forty-two lads of their number. It would be especially impressive considering the lack of bears in Australia. Maybe koala bears... I like how many people like to say "They're not really bears!" I reckon they just crack down on the koala because Australia already has more than its quota of dangerous animals, and bears are dangerous so Australia can't have them. All our animals are small anyway. All the deadly ones are things like spiders and snakes. I want a big bear. Or a tiny monkey. Can someone please buy me a pygmy marmoset? Also a teacup pig so I can have my monkey ride a pig. It'd be so cool.

The Easter bunny and the weird guy at uni

2011-08-09T22:09:00.002+10:00

Just read this:

"if the easter bunny isn’t real, how about this

my dad had a car accident when I was little from swerving to avoid hitting a rabbit

both him and the rabbit died

and from that day forward, I never got easter eggs on easter"

It didn't say who wrote it though...

There's a guy at uni who does gardening and stuff. I assume that he is employed by the uni to do it because he's there a lot. Sometimes he'll notice me go past when he's digging, or whatever he might be doing at the time. It's mostly digging. He doesn't seem to like me, he's got this glare that he gives me every time he sees me. I generally go back out of the uni the same way I come in and the times he's noticed me he always get a "Snake sighted in area" sign and points it out to me on my way home.

Hyundai excel's unhealthy breakfast

2011-08-07T00:54:00.003+10:00

I placed some things of butter on a friend's car. It was about 175 ish, it didn't cover anywhere near as much space as I thought it would.

Edit: the car's owner took this photo:

I'm not good at making eggnog

2011-07-03T10:15:00.003+10:00

Last night Le Tour de France started again. It was rad! It almost always is. There were a few people watching there, but everyone else fell asleep or left during it. There was an event just after the 20 km mark, a woman standing on the side of the road was hit by one of the riders and there was a major crash. I was annoyed enough at this woman, so I can only imagine how cut the riders would have been after riding for hours trying to stay with the pack. Stupid spectator.

We decided to make eggnog, but it wasn't very nice. We ended up making pancakes out of it, which was much more enjoyable.

I'm going away twice for a couple of camps this tour, so I might end up missing some of the stages. That would be pretty disappointing, I'm going to try to make sure I see all of them.

I also think I use too many commas. I don't really mind about that though.

2011-05-20T13:42:00.002+10:00

I recently did a presentation at uni about the issues with teaching about the Indigenous Peoples' culture and history. I included a short clip from the movie The Tracker

Overall I think the presentation went well. I talked about how we can't teach something that we don't understand and the diversity of the Indigenous Peoples.

Also I have a mullet and it is cool and I don't care what you say about it.

comparison

2011-04-26T01:24:00.003+10:00

Sometimes I see people and see similarities between them and other people I know, I'll say "Hey he looks like George Lucas!" or "She looks like Rowan Atkinson! Ugh..." and people will respond with something along the lines of "Whatever." or "No she doesn't... dare you to tell her. (Those examples both actually happened, and nobody told her.) Nobody seems to agree with my comparisons, I always feel amazed that nobody can see it. So tell me, am I crazy, or does Bear Grylls kind of look like Tim Allen from 20 years ago?I guess it's mainly the eyes that make me think they look similar, but nobody agrees with me normally, so I'm ready to be told I'm wrong. They are both good at surviving too, Bear Grylls survives incredible situations out in the wild, and Tim Allen somehow managed to survive 3 whole Santa Clause movies.

Hairy situation

2011-04-06T16:46:00.003+10:00

I managed to get my hair caught in the window of my car driving on the freeway, that's a pretty good sign that I need a haircut soon. I was able to keep my cool and not crash into the people around me though. Actually I reckon it could make me safer, not only would my seatbelt stop me from flying through the windscreen in the event of a crash, but so would my hair that is caught in the window. That's going to come standard in most new cars from now on, but you should still ask to make sure, demand a hair catching window in your next car, for your safety and the safety of your family.

Plastic Jesus

2011-04-01T11:12:00.002+11:00

Lately a lot of people have been making comments about my appearance. It started off with lots of people who were calling me a hipster, I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but it was explained to me and it makes sense. I started growing my beard after that and I haven't had a haircut in months and now I get called a hippy a little bit. Mostly I've been called Jesus. I kind of like that. The other day a lady told me I look like the bearded apostle. I told her about how people had been calling me Jesus but she said that I was too attractive to look like Jesus. Apparently she knows a Bible verse that says Jesus was unattractive. I don't know about that. I also get called a hobo, which is fair enough too. I might make a cardboard sign.

Too much

2010-12-08T08:51:00.001+11:00

Sometimes when I look at a tree or a hill or something I might think “Gee, that looks realistic, I wonder how many megapixels they used for that.” This probably means I use too much computer and watch too much tv. I guess it’d be more worrying if I looked at something outside and thought “that looks fake, it’s photoshopped.” Particularly since I really dislike it when people do that online.

Sometimes you gotta let your mind wander

2010-12-04T23:23:00.000+11:00

My father, my brother and I (mostly my father) had a go at fixing my car's seat today, it was leaning back too far because the moving frames which help you adjust the seat's position were in different places, and one of them was completely unattached to the front of the chair. We got that right I think. The other problem was that the seat was sagging, I thought a spring had broken, it turned out the seat was help up by a fairly inflexible net made of plastic attached to some rubber strips which were quite stretchy. The rubber on one side had torn in a very straight line leading to a loss of support. We had a go at pulling it back together with some wires, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a new net thing. That is much better than having to get a whole new seat, which I can't get from anywhere. Can somebody with a Toyota Carolla from 1986 please crash their car a little bit so that I can easily get replacement parts next time something goes wrong?

We got a new old car, a Daihatsu Charade, I think the best part about it is the name. It's a few years younger than my Toyota, but it's mostly not as good. Today something with the clutch stopped working properly, so I can only put it into gear when the engine is off, which isn't very helpful. Right now we've got two undriveable cars at my place... I should probably walk or ride my bike more often anyway.

Lately I've been enjoying bread a lot more than I used to. I love bread now! Used to be that I'd get a sausage in bread and I would throw the bread away, I only wanted the meat. Now I almost enjoy eating the bread more than the meat. Almost, but not quite. I can't think of the last time I said no to bread, but toast doesn't count in that. Toast is a terrible crime against bread kind and against humanity too. If you're toasting your bread because it's stale then stop, make some soup and dip your bread in that instead of ruining it! If you're toasting your bread because you just like toast then you're mad! We've been having some awesome bread rolls with dinner lately, they're cheap and they taste particularly good warmed up and spread with butter so that the butter melts. Then again, I'm pretty sure melted butter makes everything taste good. I think the best bread I've had was a pumpkin bread, but the pumpkin flavour was very light. I particularly liked the pumpkin seeds on top.

People have begun complaining about mosquitoes again, I generally don't notice them though. I have killed a couple of them in the last couple of days though. I think they've been breeding well what with all the rain of late.

Sometimes I play Hexic on my Xbox. I never played it when I first got it, but my mum saw my brother playing it and decided she would play it too. For a while she was the one who played that game the most, my brother was discouraged by the fact that Mum was better than him at it, but I decided I had to be better than her. I started playing it. I usually give Mum instructions when she's playing now. The other day I managed to win! I took ages, 121 minutes. Check it out:

I'm pretty proud of myself really.

Blossom falls slowly

Like a snowflake down to earth

Landing silently

Champing at the bit

With Jockey cracking the whip

Ready for the race

I wrote some haiku the other day while I was waiting for something, those were my favourites.

Also about poetry, for uni I had to talk about a rad poem:

Strange Fish

(Alice Springs, September 2006)

an abandoned school of silver shapes, partially imbedded in

the sandy skin of the Todd River. These 'strange fish' seemed to

have perished in a pack, almost Lemming-esque, when the river

disappeared into the dreaming of evaporation. Back in the city

we know these strange fish by urban-zoological nomenclature:

Goonius baggas. Vessels for cheap wine, the most distinguish-

ing feature, a white bulbous plastic eye, like a Cyclops. But

here on the Todd these eyes are permanently fixed on the desert

sun. Eyes that once held magic! Eyes that were once the gate-

ways of inebriated souls, and now their souls are bled too.

Shiny bodies, awaiting fossilisation. Suspended in animation;

a sad reflection of a past tide, caught in the immortal sands of

this winding, broken, hourglass...

Samuel Wagan Watson

I like it.

I've been doing some gardening lately, the most recent being a small garden in the front yard, I dug out all the weeds and planted some sunflowers. It's looking good, they're going to be massive. They've been loving all the rain. I'm totally going to eat seeds from my flowers. Maybe some homemade bread with sunflower seeds on top, and maybe pumpkin seeds too. That'd be rad.

Also, I caved and am now on twitter. One of the guys I went to school with convinced me. Well, I can't hate myself too much, all my productivity will be out the window. Ha. What productivity?

Car troubles

2010-11-10T20:30:00.002+11:00

This pretty much is based on my experience from monday afternoon (Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman were only two days late). My car's clutch stopped working on my way home and I had to drive Dad's Yaris, which looks remarkably similar to the thing in the comic. My car's fixed now though.

Toyota has short term memory loss

2010-11-07T13:14:00.002+11:00

Last night after a partay with good dinner and fun poker we did this:

The other two guys involved have already been blamed by the victim, but not me. Scot free as they say. Pretty fun. We did run out though, there's about 1200 post it notes on there. Took the three of us two hours to do. A weird guy ran past at about 1.00 am, he kept saying "just keep running". I'm thinking maybe he was attacked, or paranoid, or both.

When hippies attack

2010-11-02T00:00:00.003+11:00

I've been appalled since the Hippy guy attacked former PM John Howard with his shoes... How could he have thrown the shoes... so badly?

That hippy can't throw. I have been upset that people around the world will think Australia's protesters are inferior to the Iraqi protesters, but then I realised that he was just paying tribute to Johnny:

I don't mind that Howard isn't great at cricket, because he's not the PM anymore, but I did mind when he was.

Time of your life

2010-10-21T10:02:00.003+11:00

This morning I woke up at 7.50 am, looked at my watch and thought it was 9.40. Clearly that was when I was supposed to wake up because I went back to bed and woke up at 9.50! It's a much more sensible time to wake up. Now I have to deal with some DRM issues and then I might even do some study. Wouldn't see me doing that at 7.50, uh uh.

Brisvegas

2010-10-20T14:15:00.002+11:00

So I went to Queensland for a week. First the Gold Coast then Brisvegas for a while. It was a lot of fun, I probably liked the buses more than I should have though...

VW is a little bit puzzled

2010-10-11T22:25:00.003+11:00

Not long ago my car must have gotten cold, as I found it wrapped in plastic wrap on a monday morning. I found out who played this hilarious and witty prank quite easily, and heard quite a funny story about the deed. Apparently there was a number of people involved in the deed and whilst they were still at it a guy on a motorbike drove past. Since my car sits right underneath a streetlight the pranksters were very visible, so they decided to hide in the garden... except for one of the girls involved who hid behind my car. The guy on the motorbike saw her and started asking questions, but one of the guys involved came to her rescue saying it was a friend's car (perhaps not anymore) so it was fine. Well, other than forcing me to miss a lecture on monday morning it was fine. I decided to get some revenge on one of the girls involved la
st night.

I'm not sure how well she took it, but I had fun doing it. I've heard that her mother thought her boyfriend was responsible, which I found hilarious.

Well, tomorrow morning I'm going up to the Gold Coast, so that should be rad.

Offending strangers

2010-10-04T02:41:00.002+11:00

I went on Omegle and eventually had this fun conversation:

Stranger: hi

You: I will eat your kitten's balls if you say asl!

You: sorry

You: it had to be said

Stranger: if that would mean that youd buy me one, id be okay with it :P

Stranger: how are you today, anyway?

You: What type of kitten do you want?

Stranger: a black one, would be nice

You: And I'm a little tired of repetitive conversations, you?

Stranger: cant you buy a female kitten so that there arent any to bite off? it would save you a lot of trouble

You: that wouldn't be very threatening though would it?

Stranger: no, but it would be very nice of you :)

You: I will do nothing to your female kitten!!!

You: Better not cross me!

Stranger: it comes across a lot more psychotic than the biting-balls-off-thingie

You: More?!

Stranger: yes, much more

Stranger: because it sounds much more insane

You: I don't understand how that works

Stranger: you should remember that for the future

You: I'll try it next time

Stranger: if you say: ill bite your kittens balls off and so on, im just afraid

You: That's why I apologise straight after

Stranger: but if you say "ill not do anything, harr harr", im more frightened because i dont know what to expect

Stranger: how many kittens balls have you bitten off, after all?

You: Loads

You: I eat dim sim all the time

Stranger: you are a very bad, bad person

You: I take that as a compliment

Stranger: okay :)

You: So thank you

Stranger: youre welcome

Then the stranger disconnected. Stranger; I'm not really like that, I was just irritated by the previous bunch of boring conversations. The next person was interesting too:

You: I will do nothing to your female kitten!!!

Stranger: heyheyhey

You: Does that sound threatening to you?

Stranger: ok good, she is giving birth now anyways

Stranger: yes it does

You: Wow

You: Last stranger said it would be

You: I didn't believe them

Stranger: oh, do you believe me?

You: Yeah

You: Two separate sources of information works for me

Stranger: good! bananas!

You: verification

You: bananas?

Stranger: so whats with you alien?

You: I'm only an alien if I'm not on earth anymore

Stranger: are u on earth?

You: Do you ever sing the Gwen Stefani song when you write the word bananas?

You: I believe I am on earth

You: I could be mistaken

Stranger: i do!

Stranger: b a n a n a s!

You: It's the only part of the song I know

You: Who said pop culture can't be educational?

Stranger: ha

Stranger: s o l o

You: There's also a song from the show Arthur that taught me to spell Aardvark

Stranger: i didnt know that!

You: It's a way rad show, you should watch it for sure

Stranger: iv watched it before!

You: Ah ok

You: sorry

Stranger: i prefer little bill

Stranger: haha

Stranger: or elmo

Stranger: thats very educational too

You: Elmo is educational

Stranger: and dora. it helps me with spanish class

You: Dora is also good for the lead based paints

Stranger: yes, stupid chineese people trying to poisen our children

You: Hmm, that's probably irony there

You: I'm not sure anymore

Stranger: i have no clue

You: Too many conflicting ideas about what irony is

Stranger: i completely agree! anot like foreshadowing

You: Foreshadowing?

Stranger: like in english

You: I must have been distracted when they taught that one

Stranger: oh, its ok. i inly know it cuz we just learnedd it

You: They need a song to teach about foreshadowing

Stranger: i know! so much easyer

You: let's not get alanis morissette to sing it though

You: She's responsible for my confusion about irony

Stranger: no! too confusing then

You: Can you explain foreshadowing to me? It's ok if you can't/don't want to.

Stranger: its like irony

Stranger: like when in the beggining of the book when a kid says my mom would kill me if i get a bad grade, its like a hint later on that the kids gunna get a bad grade

Stranger: but i gtg

You: Oh

You: that was more obvious than I expected

You: K thanks for chats

I kind of felt stupid at the end there, I totally know what foreshadowing is, only it's past 3.00 am.

Rick K and the All Nighters

2010-10-04T01:10:00.002+11:00

We were talking about the awesome drummer Steve Moore from the Vegas band Rick K and the All Nighters a little while ago, so I decided to put some videos up of them. The drummer really is awesome, if I ever learn to drum I want to be like him.

I did a beer and Bear while they were being uploaded, it feels pretty awesome to be able to just grab something tasty and sitting back whilst Bear Grylls struggles to get something that would taste filthy.

stats

2010-09-30T21:40:00.003+10:00

I like looking at the stats on this site, my personal blog's stats. Something particularly interesting is the search terms in google that have led people here. Somebody actually searched for "blibbity blobbity bloop!" another for "supercalifragilistic graduated from district reppin the south". If you're someone who searched for that then welcome. Thursday nights are boring without Bible study on.

Important issues for consideration

2010-09-27T17:33:00.007+10:00

Einstein said that "You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother", does that mean that if you no longer have a grandmother you can't understand anything? Some people might get around this by explaining things to the gravestone, at the moment I feel like hippies do that, so out of all the people in the world hippies must be the smartest, because they can understand the most. I reckon this also explains why parents are always complaining about children being 'know-it-alls', it's because they've still got grandparents to validate their understanding!

Talking about hippies, they like to say that we wouldn't go around not caring about the trees getting cut down if they could scream. Imagine trees that just screamed all the time, I'm pretty sure everyone would care a lot more, we'd want to shut those trees up by cutting them down. We'd not have houses built out of wood anymore, the trees wouldn't get the opportunity to grow big enough. They wouldn't even get big enough for hippies to chain themselves to them. If someone did chain themselves to a tree you could easily pull the chain hard enough to break the tree in half, it would be the hippy's fault that the tree died then. That would be pretty cool.

I wanted to say ironic, but I definitely don't know what irony is, it's just too confusing. I don't think irony is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife though. It's probably not Mr. Play-It-Safe waiting a lifetime before flying and then crashing in the first flight he took either.

Plane crashes must really suck, lots of people in pain or dying. If I'm ever in a plane crash I'll probably avoid mirrors for ages, if I survive. If I don't see the injury it won't hurt as much. It's when you see how you're hurt that really throws you into a panic, so if I avoid seeing it I'll be fine. It'd suck it my head is knocked off and my last sight is my headless body falling to the ground, that would ruin my whole plan. It would be pretty hard to find a girl friend without a head too. I need to find one before I next go on a plane.

I've been thinking about whether it would be better to get a tattoo of thong straps on my feet, or an operation to have opposable toes. One of the two things are going to happen eventually, but which? The tattoo is cheaper and less can go wrong, I'll be able to continue not wearing shoes and not having any pain on account of the calloused nature of my feet. The opposable toes would fundamentally be an operation to replace my feet with somebody's hands. This has the potential to go badly wrong, and will be very expensive, also unless I find a carpenter or something who is willing to give up their hands my new feet would be quite sensitive and it would be painful to walk on gravel and stuff. They would be totally worth that though for the functionality. I could climb trees and stuff with my feet, and pick up various objects. It's a tough decision.

In Æon Flux Sithandra has opposable toes.

She ends up the bloody queen, mate.

Clearly she ended up in that position because of her toes.

Post race argument

2010-09-25T23:09:00.003+10:00

I'm going to upload the post race video again, because there are loads of people that don't understand it.

There are certain things that people find offensive, but I reckon they don't actually remember why it's offensive. There aren't many people who were chained up and forced to hammer rocks for railway tracks around, those are the people who have a legitimate claim to being offended about things. Younger people only think derogatory words are bad because of the older people being offended. If people stopped being offended those terms would eventually lose all their sting and would no longer be derogatory. It's kind of like having cordial and watering it down, eventually you get to the point when you can't call it cordial anymore, it's just water because there's no flavour left. This can be done to derogatory words by doing them in a good natured manner. Feel free to disagree with me further, I'm ok with that.

Sometimes I find board games pretty lame, but today I had fun playing Monopoly and Quelf, it was mainly because the people who were playing were fun. Making weird deals in Monopoly is awesome, like selling a property for ten percent of the other players income, or rent immunity. I once bought Mayfair in exchange for whenever the other person got sent to gaol we would swap positions. It actually worked out better for me because I had to spend so much time in gaol I didn't have to pay much rent, the other person had to keep paying me rent when they landed on my property though. Some people might call that cheating, I call it ingenuity.

All my family is on holidays, but uni is still on for me. Oh well.

So tired

2010-09-23T22:15:00.003+10:00

I failed at sleeping last night, I got through today on endorphins, adrenaline and caffeine. That all crashed this evening and I thought I would fall asleep during Bible study, but as soon as I got home I'm not tired again. Bah.

I gave blood today, and for the first time ever I filled the whole bag, no bleeding on the floor this time! The first attempt did fail, the nurse missed my vein, I reckon it is too tough and was pushed out of the way by the needle. She put a heat pack on my other arm to weaken my defences. A different nurse ended up sticking the needle in and her hands were heaps shakey, this was the first time I've felt the needle going in, it hurt!

Enemy of the library

2010-09-22T23:32:00.003+10:00

Last night I had an awesome dream about my house being a library. The back room of my house was merged with the library from my primary school, the kitchen was merged with the library at uni and the living room at the front of the house was merged with the local public library. My house was a very big library, even the toilet was merged with a mobile library that I went to once. The rooms started of normally but once you got to where the wall should be there started the library. there were books stuffed in random places too. Next to the television, under the couch, in the oven... they even had specific subjects in those places, like my underwear drawer having the sex ed books. Obviously the proper library parts of the house had shelves, exactly like they were the last time I visited the particular library. For some reason we didn't want a library in our house, so Dad and I decided to destroy the books... with a sword. I was the one wielding the sword, because in my dreams I'm the only one who can be trusted with something sharper than a lemon. ("Only Luke can be trusted." "In your dreams!", and in my dreams people other than me can't be trusted with lemons because a lemon is acidic.) So Dad handed the books to me and I sliced them in half. I've probably played too many video games in my life because the books disappeared in a puff of smoke at that point. I wasn't allowed to cut the books in midair, Dad wouldn't let me. It's my dream so I should've been able to do whatever I wanted! I did end up doing it a couple of times when Dad wasn't looking. It took a really long time to cut all the books in each library since I was only cutting them one at a time, but eventually I got through them all. As I finished one room's library worth of books the library part of the room ceased to exist, the wall was back and the room was normal again. I don't remember any transition from weird library room to normal room which is disappointing. I got through the primary school library, the uni library and the portable library in the toilet, but I woke up before the public library. I didn't look in the garage, but I reckon it would've been good if there were magazine racks in there, car ones and science ones.

Today I could have run over a rabbit, but it was dark and I thought it was a dog so I slowed down. Last time I hit a dog it ended up costing me $70 for a new indicator lens cap. Took ages to find one at all!

Epistle To Mrs. Scott

2010-09-22T00:43:00.001+10:00

Gudewife of Wauchope-House, Roxburghshire.

1787

Gudewife,

I Mind it weel in early date,
When I was bardless, young, and blate,
An' first could thresh the barn,
Or haud a yokin' at the pleugh;
An, tho' forfoughten sair eneugh,
Yet unco proud to learn:
When first amang the yellow corn
A man I reckon'd was,
An' wi' the lave ilk merry morn
Could rank my rig and lass,
Still shearing, and clearing
The tither stooked raw,
Wi' claivers, an' haivers,
Wearing the day awa.

E'en then, a wish, (I mind its pow'r),
A wish that to my latest hour
Shall strongly heave my breast,
That I for poor auld Scotland's sake
Some usefu' plan or book could make,
Or sing a sang at least.
The rough burr-thistle, spreading wide
Amang the bearded bear,
I turn'd the weeder-clips aside,
An' spar'd the symbol dear:
No nation, no station,
My envy e'er could raise;
A Scot still, but blot still,
I knew nae higher praise.

But still the elements o' sang,
In formless jumble, right an' wrang,
Wild floated in my brain;
'Till on that har'st I said before,
May partner in the merry core,
She rous'd the forming strain;
I see her yet, the sonsie quean,
That lighted up my jingle,
Her witching smile, her pawky een
That gart my heart-strings tingle;
I fired, inspired,
At every kindling keek,
But bashing, and dashing,
I feared aye to speak.

Health to the sex! ilk guid chiel says:
Wi' merry dance in winter days,
An' we to share in common;
The gust o' joy, the balm of woe,
The saul o' life, the heaven below,
Is rapture-giving woman.
Ye surly sumphs, who hate the name,
Be mindfu' o' your mither;
She, honest woman, may think shame
That ye're connected with her:
Ye're wae men, ye're nae men
That slight the lovely dears;
To shame ye, disclaim ye,
Ilk honest birkie swears.

For you, no bred to barn and byre,
Wha sweetly tune the Scottish lyre,
Thanks to you for your line:
The marled plaid ye kindly spare,
By me should gratefully be ware;
'Twad please me to the nine.
I'd be mair vauntie o' my hap,
Douce hingin owre my curple,
Than ony ermine ever lap,
Or proud imperial purple.
Farewell then, lang hale then,
An' plenty be your fa;
May losses and crosses
Ne'er at your hallan ca'!

R. Burns
March, 1787

Thongs

2010-09-18T11:02:00.001+10:00

I sent a message to Havaianas on their website the other day:

If I were to get Havaianas thong straps tattooed onto my feet would
you pay the tattoo artist, with advertising space being the justification?

I never wear shoes, so the tattoo would always be on display!

It took them a while but they eventually responded:

Hi Luke,

Thank you for your email.

There have been a few Havaianas fans in the past that have done just this.

Unfortunately this is not something we can help you with although if you do go ahead with the tatoo we would love to see a photo.

Regards,
Aqueo Import and Distribution

I replied with:

Carly, I like that you took my request so seriously. I guess you probably get loads of requests like that? It all came from a camping trip I was at, someone said I should tattoo shoes onto my feet, I said if I was going to do anything like that it would be Havaianas straps. Everyone pretty much told me I had to try and get money for advertising, so I did, I'm usually more of a follower than a leader. One of the girls did draw some on for me at the time, but they have worn off already, after only two days. I've attached a photo of the drawing for you.

Thanks for taking the time to reply,

Luke.

They said:

Hi Luke, That’s not a problem at all… thanks for the photo and if you do decide to get them tattooed as I mentioned we would love a photo of that also. Have a nice day.

Regards,

Carly Dee

Obviously I couldn't stop there, so I sent:

Hi Carly,Have you already got photos of people who have tattoos of thongs? Can I see them? I have been considering getting a tattoo for a while, but since it's so permanent I don't want to get something I won't like later, so pictures could be helpful. It would be great to see how such a tattoo looks after a period of time, as in when the wearer is wrinkly. If I decide against thong straps I would probably go for a robotic arm, but getting my whole arm tattooed would be time consuming and costly. The other option is to wait until I go bald, which genetically speaking is very likely, and get one of those funny tattoos of a little man 'lawn mowing' at the point my hairline has receded to, either that or a bar code like in the Hitman movie and games.
I also need to consider which thong to use for the tattoo design, I'm thinking the strap from the Halftone Top Print would be the best. Which do you think would be best?

Unfortunately they haven't replied to that so far...

Poor poetry and Venn diagrams

2010-09-13T22:45:00.005+10:00

I remembered that I had a (really rather lame) website years ago today, so I had a look at it to procrastinate. Most of it is just stupid stuff that I found funny at the time, but I had one page on it which was an ongoing competition to find the worst poet in the world.

Here is the winner, by someone calling themselves Scuba Police:

I have nineteen thousand seven hundred and fifty two dogs that all say bow-wow.

I also have a cow.

My friend said how.

Do you have nineteen thousand seven hundred and fifty two dogs that all say bow-wow.

And also a cow.

I said do I have to tell you now.

He said yes now.

So I said that yes I would tell him how.

I have nineteen thousand seven hundred and fifty two dogs that all say bow-wow.

And also a cow.

Right now.

After I told him he had a funny eyebrow.

Because it is too low.

And when he punched me his fist and my face together made a sound that sounded like pow.

I said ow.

A big cat passed and said me-ow.

I said the hurt and he said I know.

He said your face looks like dog chow.

And so we had our first row.

I said my face needed a plow.

He said wow.

Your a good friend and I said I know.

The cat came back and mauled my friend to pieces and with his final dying breath he said ow.

The cat left again saying me-ow.

So I didn't have to tell my friend the way I could have nineteen thousand seven hundred and fifty dogs that all say bow-wow.

And a cow.

Which is good because thinking about them reminds me of the twin tow.

Ers so now.

I'll take a bow.

Pretty darn bad I'd say. Here are the others in no particular order:

On my foot
I have a bunion
The size of an onion
But smells worse
by UD

Peanut smoothie
and Frog spawn. Yum
by Dion

Poopy
Turkeys, Dinosaurs, Monkeys
and Turnips, Fried eggs and rice
all smell like poo
but taste very, very nice
by Dion

Turnips

I like turnips a lot
when they are boiling in a pot
I eat them while lying in a cot
I eat them with a glass of rhubarb juice more often than not.
But not when they got in a lot of snot.
by Scuba Police

An ode to Mark holden:
Your biznitch was the shiznitch,
your foogles were the glop ,
you made so many ****ing words
now it's time to stop
by Louis

Potty
Wind, Rain, Sleet, Snow,
Where's the potty I need to go

by Dion

Louis's Super Duper Zippity day haiku
Yo my name Louis
Would you like some tea mister
one sugar or two?

by Louis

An unnamed poem

I smells.

by Andrew

Pizza Pie
Blibbity Blobbity bloop
I gotta big pile of goop
It's brown & sticky &
... oh my whoopsadaisy it's
POOP!

by Dion

Chinese haiku
Me speak English good
Me learned at many place
Me very poor now
by Louis

Story
Ounce upon a time ... there was
a boy & he was poor & he was 615 year old
& he died 425 years ago THE END
by Dion

Bolands Poem
Hush the rain is falling
and the humidity has stifled my brain.

by Boland

BAGPIPE MURD’RIN

Och! Dar!

Ye'rrr mussin' oot ye ken
On th' soond a' th' bag pipe murd’rin down in yonder glen!
A salve to y' agein' heart t’d be t' hear the buck pipe scream;
Cornered, wailing out it's chilled blood baying
Echoin’ harshly on the breezes floatin' down the
Mighty Murray Meadows, by our valley staying.
T’wer brave the man who faced yon bagpipe growling
Armed with naught upon him for his prowling
Than with his trusty sporting sporran.
When feral bagpipe turns to breed,
There'll be upon these hills no peace.
Pity then the RSP won’t agree to let
The brawny Vet to cull: by strangulation.
There doesn't seem in this extreme
Without distain a more humane
Routine to move this curse from our domain.
by John

Obviously if I'm going to talk about bad poetry I have to mention the list compiled by Douglas Adams;

in third place for the worst poetry is the fictional race of the Vogons:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,

Thy micturations are to me

As plurdled gabbleblotchits

On a lurgid bee

That mordiously hath bitled out

Its earted jurtles

Into a rancid festering [drowned out by moaning and screaming]

Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles

Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts

And living glupules frart and slipulate

Like jowling meated liverslime

Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes

And hooptiously drangle me

With crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon

See if I don't.

Second is Grunthos the Flatulent, poetmaster of the Azgoths of Kria:

Relax mind

Relax body

Relax bowels

Relax.

Do not fall over.

You are a cloud.

You are raining.

Do not rain

While train

Is standing at a station.

Move with the wind.

Apologise where necessary.

First was Paul Neil Milne Johnstone, a real person:
The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.

They lay.

They rotted.

They turned

Around occasionally.

Bits of flesh dropped off them from

Time to time.

And sank into the pool's mire.

They also smelt a great deal.

I've learnt that Venn diagrams need to have a representation of the Universal set surrounding the circles which make the diagram. Well, I'm not really convinced that they're necessary at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be taught more about it. I spent some more of the day procrastinating by researching Venn diagrams. As far as I can tell from the internet (a wholly reliable source to be sure) the Universal set is sometimes included but it does not need to be. I asked some math kids, they said pretty much the same thing as the internet did, which seemed to legitimise it a bit for me, but the one saying a Universal set is crucial is probably of a higher math authority.

Obviously from there since I didn't want to have to start doing uni work still I started thinking about Venn diagrams about poetry.

This is my reinterpretation of one I found, I think it's an improvement. Notice I didn't include a Universal set? It's not because I had decided it's wrong, I just couldn't be bothered with it.

This one I had absolutely nothing to do with, but I liked it.

There was also a non-literature one that relates to a conversation I had at camp on the weekend:

Also, I did end up doing that uni work, and even submitting it, with 30 seconds to spare. Winner!

If you're not in New York, you're camping out.

2010-09-12T21:49:00.002+10:00

I went to a camp where we concentrated on God, but it wasn't a concentration camp. Sorry about that one.

The focus was on how to encourage others in Godliness, that we should always be listening during conversations for ways to help other people and use our words to build them up. It was pretty great.

Changing from camp stuff to camp stuff there was also an instructional video on how to give a man hug. It was funny, but I don't think I'll be making too much use of those instructions, I'm much happier with a good firm hand shake.

I have clearly become quite tired as I've been finding my fathers jokes rather hilarious, so Ima try get heaps of sleep now.

Random things currently in my head

2010-09-09T09:38:00.003+10:00

The postman is really ripping up my front yard.

There are quite a lot of ducks at uni.

A truck driver asked me for directions while I was crossing the road in front of him.

They should have a pirate Bible.

If somebody couldn't care less it means that the amount they care equals zero, but if someone says they could care less it means that the amount they care is greater than zero. I think it's implied that they could also care more, so they care less than infinity. That means that any of the infinite positive numbers might be the amount that they care, the possibility is infinite, but infinity is not a possibility. Maybe the amount they care is infinity minus one, but that still equals infinity so that can't be right.

Vests are rad.

The wise teacher (sarcasm)

2010-09-03T21:59:00.002+10:00

I did a talk at Yoop, it was fairly short but I reckon it went ok. It was focused on 2 Timothy 4. This is it.

The world is a big flat disk and all the water falls off the sides in massive waterfalls. If it was actually a sphere people would fall off the bottom!

It’s ok, cigarettes won’t kill you, there’s no conclusive proof that they are linked to lung cancer.

Sometimes people refuse to believe the inconvenient truth, instead they want to hear reassuring lies. They want to hear comforting things because the truth can be scary. The truth is that the world is a massive sphere and cigarettes kills loads of people, but those truths have made some people uncomfortable.

The world often says that you should abandon those who abandon logic and reason, but what does God say about those people?

(At this point everyone went off to do the study)

God loves everyone, so he wouldn’t send anyone to hell.

Jesus was just a really good teacher; he didn’t have any special powers.

Are these lies any different to the ridiculous lies about cigarettes and the world being flat? Would you rather feel comfortable believing a lie now, or spend eternity in heaven with the Lord of all? I hope you choose truth, but what about people who keep fighting for their reassuring lie? Paul encourages Timothy to Preach the Word in and out of season. That means that regardless of your audience you should always try to tell people about the good news of Jesus, because even if it does sound a bit scary Jesus will return and everyone will be judged. Not everyone will listen, a lot of people will turn aside to myths, but that doesn’t mean you should give up, keep telling them that Jesus died to save them from their sins, to me, that’s much more reassuring than any lie.

I had a different talk prepared, it was about the same thing, but it went around in circles a bit, plus it went for fifteen minutes so I deleted it this morning and rewrote it. It was a shame that I couldn't have done the other one, because I had all of the hand gestures worked out. I can't actually remember some of it already, so it's probably good I decided to redo it.

Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain.

2010-09-01T22:50:00.002+10:00

It seems to rain every wednesday, right when I want to walk to Bible study. I didn't get too wet today though, so it was fine. I seem to be a bit paranoid (who has been saying I'm paranoid?!) because a foul mouthed woman with what I assume is her boyfriend, but I wish was her husband, followed me halfway home. I was thinking the whole time of how I would defend myself, at first I figured I would attack the guy first, but then I realised that the girl wore the pants in the relationship and was the dangerous one, so I would attack her first. Obviously I would wait for them to make the first move, I would use the old mantra that the sensei always talked about at goju kai: evade, control, devastate & dispose. In other words you make sure your opponent is actually a threat instead of assuming people are dangerous and hurting innocents, then you avoid the attack by moving in an appropriate direction, whilst doing that you control the attack with a block, then it's time to attack them and dispose of them. The attack and disposal that I generally go to in my mind is to break the knee then trip them and leave. I haven't done it to anyone yet, unfortunately.

I wasn't the only one who was paranoid, I ended up following a couple of kids walking their dogs. One was a girl who was probably ten years old, she swore almost as much as the grown woman who had been following me did. She kept saying (with cuss words sprinkled through liberally) "That creep is following us. Do something. Call the cops. Kill him. He's still there" et cetera. It was only for two blocks, but it felt like ages. I was forced to think what I would do if the two teenage boys with the two dogs attacked me. Obviously I'd go for the dogs first, I'd drop to one knee planting the knee in the dogs back and try to break its neck. I would then kick the other one where ever I can as hard as I can. My tactic would then be similar to the previous woman when it came time to fight the boys.

In a more cheery note, on monday I was looking after kids and I sat down while they were building towers with blocks, they got to the roof which is heaps impressive, and my phone fell out of my pocket. They stopped playing with blocks and started playing with cars, and a little girl, probably 1.5 years old, picked up my phone and managed to turn on the music player (it was already open, she just pressed play) and exit it so that the phone locked. Her sister took the phone off her and tried to turn the music off, but obviously she couldn't since it was locked so she gave it back to the first girl. She started pressing buttons and getting excited every time the screen lit up. After a while she got bored of that and held the phone to her ear as if she was talking on the phone and started rocking in time to the Gyroscope which was playing. I found it pretty hilarious, it entertained her for a good half hour, so win-win really!

5 clicks

2010-08-30T20:52:00.002+10:00

I just decided to play five clicks to Hitler, a form of entertainment on wikipedia, you choose a random article and then see if you can get to the article on Adolf Hitler with just five clicks. I found it was quite easy. I started off with J24 as my random article, my first click was NER class P which is apparently a type of train, the to British Railways and straight to History of rail transport in Great Britain where I was hoping to find something about the war, which I found and obviously Hitler was pretty easy to find from there. Five clicks to Hitler!

For the sake of another link and a whole lot more rad I want to draw your attention to the game Devil's Tuning Fork. It's about echolocation. I haven't finished it yet, but it's on my to do list. Probably more than once.

Cold

2010-08-25T23:23:00.002+10:00

I walked home from Bible study in the rain, I ended up soaked. I'm not complaining though. I can't get away with complaining now, I had too many people offer me a lift home. It was fun! A lady at the petrol place walked past me and said "Fantastic." I don't know what to make of that.

I played this rad game called One Step Back, have a go, it's cool. It's got a sequel called The Other Side, it's not as good, but it's still worth a go.

That's all I think.

New ukulele

2010-08-18T18:04:00.002+10:00

This is my new ukulele. It's rad, I'm pretty happy with it. I wasn't so happy having to wait 2.5 months for it, but it was worth it!

Soon...

2010-08-17T17:42:00.002+10:00

The music shop says that I should be able to get my new ukulele on thursday, which will be rad.

Today when my siblings got home my brothers were exiled from the front room because my sister's friends were coming over. There was a lot of girlish giggling. The Bible study my sister was doing was pretty loud too.

Letter on important issues

2010-08-15T19:53:00.003+10:00

I was told by a member of the committee of management for church that someone had brought a complaint to the committee about how I don't wear shoes. He actually went on to show me a bumper sticker that he thought I should buy. I wrote a letter in response, and this is it:

To the esteemed members of the committee of management,

thank you for your concern in regard to my attire. Being unaware what the reason which brought this issue to light was, I made an assumption that either someone has deemed it to be disrespectful, or that it is a safety hazard.

I do not believe that God requires me to wear shoes, we are saved by the grace of God in Jesus Christ, not how well we are presenting ourselves at church. In fact in Exodus chapter three verse five God instructs Moses to remove his footwear.

Even the most perfunctory internet search into health and bare feet shows that not wearing shoes can have a myriad of benefits, in a 2001 research paper Michael Warburton wrote that running barefoot decreases the likelihood of ankle sprains and chronic injuries, such as plantar fasciitis. Going barefoot can also increase the circulation to the feet which will combat varicose veins. However, it is an obvious fact that any sharp object that finds its way to the ground can pose a risk to a barefoot individual. I am willing to take that risk, I generally am cautious about where I tread so I have not had any major incidents yet. In fact God built a mechanism into the human body which affords protection for the feet after prolonged exposure, that is callouses.

Many people think that not wearing shoes leads to unsanitary feet, with the risk of spreading disease, however, as I have already stated, I take care where I step and am thus less likely to spread bacteria infested substances such as mud or faecal matter as those wearing shoes, which can trap all manner of things in the tread of the shoe. Wearing shoes can actually aid bacteria multiplication on the foot as the shoe holds in warmth and moisture whilst providing darkness, the perfect environment for bacteria growth.

If there are any other concerns on this subject feel free to inform me of them and I shall reconsider my position on the issue.

Grace be with you

Sincerely,

Luke Bartholomew.

Near death experience

2010-08-15T13:38:00.002+10:00

Last night I tried a kilpatrick oyster at an engagement party. That wasn't the near death experience part, it was pretty awesome actually! The party was fun too. After that we went for an afterparty where we discussed the worlds longest poo, among other things. 26 feet if you wanted to know. After that I played responsible designated driver and drove the people who had consumed alcohol home. I was passing over the freeway with someone it the backseat when a white 4wd went through a red light and stopped right in front of me. Since it was slippery braking didn't work, neither did turning, I was just skidding towards the car, I kept turning the wheel and back to straight and with about a meter to go the car got some grip on the road and I swerved out of the way. It was a very quick experience, but it was exciting. The guy in the back seat was feeling a bit sick after that though.

Inception and Scott Pilgrim

2010-08-14T16:23:00.002+10:00

I recently saw Inception and today I saw Scot Pilgrim, and I have been a little surprised at how good they were. I have been given a couple of inaccurate reviews by friends for some DVDs lately, so I'd begun believing the opposite to what I hear in reviews. Luckily I still gave these movies a chance though, there was only one disappointment about my cinema experience today. My sister decided to go to see Scott Pilgrim at 1.45, my brothers were also going to see it, but were scared of my sister so they were going to go to the 4.15 screening. I talked them into going at the same time, so that we could annoy my sister, but she didn't seem to be too upset. Oh well.

On Thursday I went to a rad poker night, 12 hours of poker straight! I taught people to play Omaha hold 'em, but most of the time it was Texas hold 'em. I wasn't going too well for most of the time, but I won the last game, so that was good. Winning isn't really the point though, the whole lot was fun even when I was losing. I had fun and there was pizza!

At Yoop last night I wanted to have pool, table tennis, card games and carpet bowls, but I couldn't find the carpet for it. We found a foosball table instead and I'm pretty sure it worked better than carpet bowls would have. The big hit was spoons, but I put straws instead of spoons in case any went missing. I had fun and there was pizza!

Should've at pizza at the cinema today...

The morning

2010-08-05T14:33:00.002+10:00

"Morning."

"Hi"

"... So what have you been up to this morning?"

"Y'know, the usual."

"Which is..."

"Wake up, peek out the door to make sure you're still asleep and find your door closed, walk to the toilet naked, have a shower..."

"What if I got up while you were walking past?"

"I dunno, probably awkward times. Anyway, I get dressed and I have breakfast, usually it's cereal, but today I had a cooked breakfast, I fried some bacon, ate it off the pan, juggled some eggs then fried them too, then I fried a tomato and half an apple..."

"Yuck."

"Whatever. I leave the other half of the to sooth my burnt tongue when I'm done, then I drink some milk and you usually wake up around then so we chat for a while. Normally you talk more, since you're a girl. Something wrong?"

"Ah..."

"Hey, what's news?"

"Nothing."

"Do you reckon other people's wee tastes different to your own?"

"... I'm going"

"I'm not sure, have you tried your own before?"

"Nah, but like, you eat heaps different to me, does that make your wee taste different?"

"I don't know..."

"I dunno either... What would be the best way to drink wee?"

"Teacup."

"I was thinking of like, soaking something in it, then eating it."

"... I'm speechless..."

"I reckon toast would be the go."

"You do know that weeing into a toaster would be ten times worse that sticking a knife into the toaster?"

"Yeah, duh, I'd put the toast in the sink then stand on the bench and let 'er rip"

"Make sure if there are any dishes there that they are dirty, and wait until I'm out of the room before you start"

"I'm only thinking about it, I'm not that stupid."

"Oh, but you are, you're not Einstein, you won't be satisfied by a thought experiment, you'll keep thinking about it and eventually you'll do it."

"Do you think cat wee would taste different to my wee?"

"I wouldn't touch her cat if I were you, that thing is vicious, and yes, it would taste very different I suspect."

"Well, have fun today."

"See you later."

I'd call it 'Killer Luke in the Forest of Doom during the Zombie Apocalypse'

2010-08-04T22:40:00.003+10:00

I walked home from Bible study, just made it before it started raining. I dawdled and went exploring a little so it took a while. I kept getting worried because the ground ahead had what looked like glass, and obviously I wasn't wearing shoes, but I knew it was the wet stones in the road that were a little shiny since it had rained a bit before I left. I kept forgetting though and getting worried that I'd cut my foot open and have people all saying "told you so, I said you should wear shoes." So far it's been fine.

I like walking in an empty street where nothing else is moving, I imagine that I'm in some kind of post-apocalyptic zombie movie, but at the part where everything is ok because the zombies haven't appeared yet.

I saw a Ray White real estate sign, it has a picture of a person on it. I never pictured Ray White as being a blonde woman before...

Pretty much Nostradamus

2010-07-30T22:39:00.002+10:00

On Wednesday night I had a dream about playing soccer at Yoop. It was going fine for a while, but then I was banjoed. Not overly fun. Tonight at Yoop that pretty much happened, but it wasn't a soccer ball that did the damage, it was a person, and I didn't start flailing about in the air as an eagle in immense pain either. I had to laugh regardless of the pain at the coincidence.

Qui a été totalement rad!

2010-07-26T02:45:00.003+10:00

Last stage. The sprint in the end was amazing, Cavendish coming out of nowhere to win by a mile. Almost literally. Cav is awesome. Contador has won the tour again, I would like to give him a message: "Deja de fingir a disparar un arma, es sólo la mano y parecer estúpido." Good on him though, I hope he doesn't win next year. I was kind of expecting Phil Liggett or Paul Sherwan to say "If we stopped the tour now..." I would've found it hilarious at least.

I'm a bit sad that it's all come to a close now, not going to have as good an excuse to stay up heaps late with a bunch of rad kids. Next year will bring another tour.

Changing topic completely, Onslaught 2 is a heaps fun tower defense game.

I probably will go back to not posting things here regularly now... nothing to talk about.

second last, stupid kids and sex ed

2010-07-25T01:52:00.004+10:00

The penultimate stage was probably the most exciting time trial I've watched. Others said it was boring and fell asleep, but I loved it. Schleck really made Contador work, which was awesome, but unfortunately Contador came out ahead. He came out ahead to make annoying gun gestures when he got the yellow. What a loser!

On my way home it was foggy again, just like the first week of le tour. I was marveling at its thickness when I saw movement on the road ahead... a girl ran across the road and stopped in front of my car with her arms stretched out as if to say "try and hit me!" I switched to 2nd gear to rev real loud, which didn't phase her, but it motivated her friend to drag her off the road before I hit her. I also slowed down like the responsible driver I am.

I can't remember what reminded me, but today I remembered the first time someone 'taught' me about sex. A girl that at the time that I would have very loosely used the term friend about came up to me while I was playing outside and asked me if I knew what sex was. "No, what is it?" "It's a lolly" "Oh, ok" "Would you like some sex?" "No, I just had lunch." I guess she thought it would be funny to hear a kid of about 5 years old say he would like some sex... too bad.

I like fantastic contraption, I'm not very good at it though, I haven't finished it yet... It sure is fun.

3rd, 2nd, 1st

2010-07-24T03:25:00.002+10:00

3rd last stage of the tour! It was very exciting during the sprint finish.

2nd attempt by girls to put make-up on Dan, this time successful. Also 2nd is Schleck, who unfortunately doesn't have a great chance of beating Contador.

1st was Cavendish, he won the stage, he is rad even without Renshaw. Also it was the 1st time I drove all the way to the Sheely's place. Amazing.

Dan was slightly hooked on Little Ships for Little Wars, so here's another game: Continuity.

I have also been told I have to share about any more interesting dreams since the last one, possibly good for Freudian analysis, was so strange. I had a dream that was nowhere near as weird as the last one, I was standing outside a house, which turned out to be a commune for all the cool kids to live, and hundreds of massive balls, blue ones and yellow ones, were flying towards the house. I was armed with various sporting equipment. I started off with a tennis racquet, but it kept changing, it was a cricket bat for a while. I was hitting the balls with my weapon, and as I did they broke in half, pretty much exactly like in pilot wings. Pretty soon there was a swarm of tiny flying balls clogging up the air, they became small enough to fit through the flyscreen. At that point I realised that I had failed at protecting everyone, they were all doomed. I couldn't leave it at that though, I wasn't going to simply sit there and let everyone... have balls flying around them... I can't remember if there was any actual bad stuff happening in relation to the balls, but I remember thinking they were evil. Luckily the flamethrower I had been carrying in my back pocket was perfect for removing the threat. I don't remember actually using the flamethrower either actually, the dream kind of ended when I got it out. I was a hero though.

pyyric victory

2010-07-23T02:34:00.002+10:00

Schleck won the stage, but I think that since he couldn't gain any time over Contador he doesn't have a good chance of winning yellow, which I am quite unhappy about. This stage seemed to take a lot out of the both of them, and a lot of people touched Contador on the bum, but they didn't gain anything out of it. I didn't like that Schleck's hopes for winning le tour de France are pretty much out the window, but it was a pretty exciting finish.

Sam and I had a massive Bible session today, it was rad.

I also played a game called Little Stars for Little Wars, it's not an original idea, but it's the hardest of this type of game that I've played.

You snooze you lose

2010-07-21T01:53:00.002+10:00

Carlos Barredo did pretty awesome today. Lance Armstrong tried to win but it turned out just as Jess Amy predicted. It wasn't a heaps exciting stage, particularly after yesterday's excitement. Tomorrow will be worse, rest stages are heaps boring.

Dan had a bit of a nap during the stage so he had some mean photos taken by some people. He woke up before they got lipstick on him though.

Worst. Stage. EVER.

2010-07-20T01:24:00.000+10:00

NOOO! Schleck lost yellow, which is terrible. Contador got the yellow, which is even worse! Poor old Schleck was about to have a brilliant attack and gain some time over everyone when his chain fell off. He was calm, he pulled over to the side and tried to fit it back on so he could get back in the race, but the chain came off again! Schleck knew that Contador was getting away, every second counted. He got annoyed and dropped an F-bomb, then he tried to catch up. He couldn't make it. I don't even want to talk about it anymore right now.

C.Evans had pretty much the same bad luck when he was in yellow, cracking his elbow. Obviously he has been losing time ever since, so he can't be blamed for being a fair way behind the leaders. It seems pretty terrible to me that the best placed Australian has a cracked elbow, surely the other guys would be able to get above a guy with a fractured elbow...

I'm so tired, I got about three hours sleep, I went to bed about 2.00am, but I was awake til around 5.00am, then I had to get up at 8.00am to get ready for uni. This is only slightly less sleep than what I've been running on for the whole tour, but it's kind of the straw that broke the camels back. My brain is doing weird things in my head... My lassitude is merely making my annoyance at Contador worse. I think I'd better go to bed before I break things.

Pyrenées

2010-07-19T01:44:00.000+10:00

Good on Schleck keeping on Contador's tail. What an exciting night! How is it possible that one event can keep bringing the awesome for so long?

My family got back from Queensland today. Caleb had a lot of scratches and a bandaged arm because he pretty much did a Jens Voigt, but with a quad bike.

He does not look as bad as this though:

Caleb doesn't even have a rad accent, so he loses a fair bit of sympathy.

Exciting times.

2010-07-18T01:16:00.000+10:00

An Astana guy fell over looking at a horse. I was hoping it was Contador, but it wasn’t.

Vinokourov is probably on drugs.

Cav did good, using Hushovd as a lead out man.

The commentators loved talking about the trees. The French continue to love inflatable pools.

I felt a bit yuck today, so I fibred it up good. Banana, blueberry, lemon and date smoothie. Mmm.

If I were Bjarne Riis I'd buy a better whip.

2010-07-17T01:30:00.000+10:00

So, I'm very disappointed in Schleck's lack of chase at the end of stage twelve. Contador gained ten seconds, which is terrible.

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

The jersey is greener on the other rider

2010-07-16T01:51:00.000+10:00

Petacchi now has the green, I don't like Hushovd heaps, but he has grown on me, so I'm kind of disappointed but happy too. The end of the stage was pretty exciting, Cavendish won, but to lead him out properly Renshaw had to head butt a guy out of the way. Renshaw might end up penalised for it, but he'll be ok with that.

I've got a bluebird outside my window, just like that bluebird I've got wings. Skoda must use Red Bull as a substitute for petrol.

Story time

2010-07-15T03:02:00.000+10:00

I found stage 10 a little boring compared to other stages of le tour, but there was balloons which made it all good. Actually now that I think about it there was a pretty good sprint and a cool descent down to Gap. Like I've been saying to heaps of people, even the most boring stages are really exciting.

We wrote a story at UBS, this is it:

There once was a llama called Fred, it was short for Fredrico. He lived with his family of seventy, they were becoming a great nation. They spent most of their time grazing in the most beautiful field in the world, it was flowing with milk and honey.

One day, the day many consider to be the darkest day in llama history, a big, scary, evil ninja-robot appeared from a storm cloud. The ninja-robot wreaked havoc, killing llamas indiscriminantly, but only if they were male.

Fred's mother, fearful for Fred's safety, hid her son in a bush. Now the ninja-robot was not programmed with emotions, but one day as it was trampling through a forest area it happened to see Fred peaking his adorable little llama head out of the bush and a strange feeling flooded into its circuits, little did it know it was love for Fred. Love at first sight. Fred also loved the ninja-robot, but they could not be happy together when the ninja-robot was killing his brothers and friends! What could these star-crossed lovers do?!

The llama named Fred and the ninja-robot eloped and built a family far away from the other llama, thus saving the rest of the llamas, so everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

Top of the morning to you

2010-07-14T02:23:00.000+10:00

Oh Schleckie boy, the bikes, the bikes are calling

From stage to stage, and down the mountain side

Cadel is gone, and all his will is dying

'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must ride.

But come ye back when Pyrenees are looming

Or you could lose all of your time

'Tis Contador be there behind in your shadow

Oh Schleckie boy, oh Schleckie boy, go for yellow!

Fun stage. Fun balloons during the stage. Balloons and my fingers don't like each other though.

I'm going to miss the football final, but I won't really miss it.

2010-07-12T02:28:00.001+10:00

So far I've not seen any of the soccer games in the world cup, I just need to be asleep at 3.30 to make it a clean sweep!

I have so far not missed a stage of le Tour de France, because it's awesome. A bit of mountain fun today, Armstrong pretty much disgraced himself, but that means he might focus on helping Levi Leipheimer to do well, which would be rad. Schleck won the stage in a very exciting fashion, just beating Sammy Sanchez. Cadel now has the yellow, which I'm a bit indifferent to. I don't think he'll keep it.

Uni at death o'clock on monday mornings this term. Yuck.

Flip flop

2010-07-11T09:25:00.000+10:00

Chavanel got the yellow back again. Cancellara finished yesterday's stage 14 minutes behind him, so Chavanel isn't in danger of losing it to him again. I'm keen for Schleck to start ripping ahead now. Le Tour de France is remaining as exciting as a five year old's birthday party crashed by Corey Worthington and a puma. That's pretty exciting.

I used Tristan's bed last night. Since it is next to Ross and Dan's beds I was able to make some observations. Ross snores a little bit like a vuvuzela, but Dan snores a little bit more like a chainsaw. They don't snore they same way that I'm used to, they snore for about 30 seconds and stop, unlike those who snore all night long, for which I am profoundly glad.

Last night I worked out my strategy for if I ever turn into a roman centurion, how I would organise my men and such.

The bluebird carries the sky on his back.

2010-07-10T02:42:00.000+10:00

Cav won again! Pretty impressive considering all the commentators had written him off. More importantly we have apparently found a commune house, but even more importantly again I found the song from the Skoda ads and made it my ring tone.

A better ending

2010-07-09T02:18:00.000+10:00

Today's stage, Épernay to Montargis, was fairly similar to yesterdays, but Cavendish won, so the ending was better. I was pretty tense at the end. The cat was the real winner in the end.

Annoying people already

2010-07-08T02:21:00.001+10:00

I'm still talking about le Tour, but this stage was kind of boring compared to the others. The ending sprint was a little disappointing, I was hoping that Cavendish and Hushovd would do awesome in the sprint, but they didn't.

There was also State of Origin, it was even more disappointing. More disappointing than failing to peel a tomato. New South Wales lost, but hey, we can't be good at everything, I'm happy with just being good at most things.

I promised Ross I would mention the fog again, because that's his favourite. On the way from the State of Origin to le Tour de France there was incredible fog, this was around 9.30 pm. I expected the fog to be more thick if anything at 2.00 am, but when I walked out it seemed to have completely cleared up. It was actually just a pocket of clear air, I hit the fog about two blocks away. Still insane, but not quite as thick as before.

I think that's it.

Important things from stage 3

2010-07-07T02:08:00.000+10:00

First: CANCELLARA'S BACK IN YELLOW!

Second: Jess Amy: "It's got nuts in it"

Zoe: "I know, I bought it"

Nath: "It's still got nuts in it"

Third: CANCELLARA'S BACK IN YELLOW!

Fourth: Debbie is scary, but I maintain that Ross looks tastier than many. If someone said that about my hypothetical child I would feel like I have done a good job in making my child nutritious, giving him/her good meals and such.

Fifth: CANCELLARA'S BACK IN YELLOW!

Sixth: There's NO... sixth

Seventh: CANCELLARA'S BACK IN YELLOW!

No animals were harmed in the making of stage 1

2010-07-06T01:07:00.000+10:00

For anyone who is wondering, the dog who ran into the group of cyclists yesterday was completely fine, but Adam Hansen broke his collar bone and is out now.
Chavanel was amazing, in the break away at 17kms and he stayed ahead whilst the rest of the group fell back. I was a bit annoyed, there was an exciting crash due to the wet narrow down hill road, it involved Frank and Andy Schleck. I didn't mind too much about that til later. There was two main groups of the peloton, the first had Cancellara and the second had Contador and Armstrong. I was hoping Cancellara would take the opportunity to get a better advantage over some other threats, but instead he waited for the Schleck brothers. Bah. I'm disappointed that Cancellara has lost the yellow jersey, but Chavanel does deserve it after that effort. There was also a bit of a protest at the end, it was pretty rad.

Blood sport

2010-07-05T02:01:00.000+10:00

The first stage of le Tour de France was heaps fun, particularly the crashes. Maybe not for the riders though, like Adam Hanson, probably broke his collar bone because of a dog running into the peloton. I as a bit disappointed that Cavendish was hindered and couldn't blast his way into the green jersey, but that's ok, it was still entertaining. It was still foggy, it's rediculous trying to drive through it, it'd be faster to walk.

Aftermath

2010-07-04T04:20:00.000+10:00

Yup, Cancellara's rad. Beat Martin by ten whole seconds. It was late and cold and I had a snooze for some of it, but I saw the exciting end bit and that's all that matters. Still a lot of fog on the way home. Is it worth going to bed at this hour? Yup.

Let us go in; the fog is rising.

2010-07-03T23:54:00.000+10:00

When I was driving home earlier everything started out normal, but just past Wow there was a wall of white. This was the thickest fog I've ever seen. I slowed down to half the speed limit. It was amazing. In other news it's nearly time for le Tour de France, there are some time trials at 2.00 am. Cancellara will probably win the time trials, because he's awesome.

Lets not let BP near the leadership spill.

2010-06-23T23:17:00.000+10:00

I got home from Bible study and suddenly everyone's saying Julia Gillard is Prime Minister. I soon found what they meant was she is as good as PM now. I don't really like Gillard, but then I don't particularly like Kevin Rudd or Tony Abbott either.

I also don't like the idea that they can change the PM without us having any say, what's the point in me voting in the first place? (This is compounded by my previous confusion and frustration at how we're supposed to have a say about the PM but we actually vote for locals.)

Also also, apparently the Australian dollar is volatile... We've had a very volatile trip. Lateline Business likes the word volatile tonight.

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

2010-06-21T23:13:00.000+10:00

Saw the Christian interview of Rudd & Abbot. Neither instilled me with a great deal of confidence. I don't even get why they are trying to convince us of anything, we don't vote for them directly. Most distressing for me, Abbot- My faith does not influence my political decision. So then what's the point of talking to all those Christians?

People have told me that I should be a politician, because I can be diplomatic when I want to be. At this stage I'm not too keen.

Medicinal purposes

2010-06-18T16:03:00.000+10:00

I've been told that sarsaparilla tastes like cough medicine, so I drank gallons of it to make me less sick. It didn't work. It was upliftingly awesome in flavour though! Maybe Dr Pepper would work better, shame they don't sell it here anymore.

Volunteer

2010-06-18T11:52:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I worked as a volunteer for St Vincent De Paul society, it was pretty fun. I delivered furniture and stuff. Today I'm sick (gick).

I'm also doing Yoop spot today (edit: not anymore, too sick for yoop), talking movies. I worked out how to get videos properly, so I got the trailers for the movies I'm going to talk about, and this.

Peace out honky.

Poetry (not written by me)

2010-06-16T13:54:00.000+10:00

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
that is until I met your mother.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell'

Basically done

2010-06-08T09:43:00.000+10:00

The semester is pretty much finished, I do have one more exam, but I'm super confident, since it is going to be easy. I don't need to study, I don't need four pages of notes during the exam and I don't need two hours to complete the exam. I am now in holiday mode, which is not that different to pre-assessment item mode. Less early mornings on Tuesday though. That is pretty rad.

Hanging like a comic, or Mr. Cooper, supercalifragilistic
Listen a Southern playa lynched it
Graduated from district 2 2 7, reppin the south subs,
Don’t nobody show it enough love
It fits like a glove

Short stories.

2010-06-05T20:39:00.000+10:00

I like to read short stories. Like these ones. They're rad.

The Last Question

All You Zombies

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream

Parson’s Pleasure

The Lost Decade

Willpower

I like those stories, but I want to know more.

Nothing happens unless first we dream.

2010-06-03T18:36:00.000+10:00

Last night I dreamt that I was at uni, plausible so far since I do go there, it was a normal type of lecture about something that I can't remember, in that it imitated real life. When I got home I played some ukulele for ages, I was better than usual, that didn't tip me off that it was a dream though. After playing Pachebel's Canon in D I went to the toilet, it was quite a convincing dream still. As I washed my hands I looked at the mirror, and things started to get weird. I realised that I looked almost exactly like a particular girl I know, except I still had my beard. I was quite worried about it, but there wasn't much I could do about it in the end. I ended up going to a friend's place, and everyone kept on saying things like "Luke, you're looking nice today, you're almost as manly as (Girl's name)." It annoyed me every time somebody used her name, I had become very self-conscious about it. Soon I became incredibly annoyed as every single person I knew told me I looked like that girl, but more girly (except for the girl herself, who didn't seem to notice my appearance or the people's comments). So annoyed that I magically turned up at home, at which time I smashed my ukulele in frustration. That was when I woke up terrified. I quickly found my ukulele to make sure it was fine and then went back to sleep.

The pictures... they're MOVING!

2010-06-02T22:58:00.000+10:00

I don't know why there's no sound.

Ever shorter posts with normal, or long headings. Headings longer than the post.

2010-06-02T11:17:00.001+10:00

Gah

I'm a blogging machine

2010-06-02T11:16:00.001+10:00

I won't be silenced!

An artist is me

2010-06-02T11:13:00.001+10:00

Or maybe not so much, maybe it's rubbish. I can't focus on for real things like uni right now like I should be. I'm spewing forth caffeine induced ramblings.

My Spectacular Vernacular: Heuristic

2010-06-02T11:06:00.000+10:00

Heuristic describes the action of finding a solution to a problem. Apparently it has the same roots as 'Eureka'. Heuristics is the method of speculating to discover an answer.

Poirot

2010-06-02T11:05:00.001+10:00

Always I am right. It is so invariable it startles me. And now it looks very much as though I may be wrong, and that upsets me. But I should not be upset, because I am right. I must be right because I am never wrong.

Books

2010-06-01T21:36:00.000+10:00

I got some cool books for my birthday, but I don't know what to use a concordance for. It's big, so it must be useful. It also has Greek and Hebrew dictionaries.

They mash my steak these days, I got to drink it through a straw.

Just remember: when your hip breaks in two, it's the ice flo for you.

snitches get stiches... or extra refried liver, i can never remember.

I got to drink my refried liver through a straw too. Normal liver is too hard for my dentures.

Waffles.

I'm distracted

2010-06-01T13:15:00.003+10:00

Essays are hard to focus on.

midnight bicycle mystery

2010-06-01T13:15:00.001+10:00

I ride the bike at night.
Not lie.
I heard the footstepping sounds come after me.
Turning the corner,
I see no one.
Silence.

The turner.
The runner.
The turner.
The runner.
The turner.

Disappointing facts

2010-06-01T13:00:00.000+10:00

Disco is dead.
Pants look stupid without belts.
When it's hammer time you better stop.

Birthday speech

2010-05-31T18:32:00.000+10:00

Thanks everyone for coming and Mum and Dad for the rad party and stuff...
I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once more able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.
Even though large parts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the Old .
We are in the preliminary stage of one of the greatest battles in history.... That we are in action at many points — in Norway and in Holland —, that we have to be prepared in the Mediterranean. That the air battle is continuous, and that many preparations have to be made here at home.
I would say to the House as I said to those who have joined this government: I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering.
You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all terror — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.
What General Weygand has called the Battle of France is over. I expect that the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilisation. Upon it depends our own British life, and the long continuity of our institutions and our Empire. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us. Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be freed and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands.
But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new dark age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour.
The gratitude of every home in our Island, in our Empire, and indeed throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the World War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. All our hearts go out to the fighter pilots, whose brilliant actions we see with our own eyes day after day…

We talk about things. Irrelevant things.

2010-05-31T18:28:00.001+10:00

Luke says:
Frostbottom
Frostbottom says:
Cadbury
Luke says:
So
I'm 21 now
Frostbottom says:
Off to the retirement village for you
Luke says:
Ima play Bridge
Frostbottom says:
score with the widdows
Luke says:
I'll be all "Yes, I'll look after your dentures"
Frostbottom says:
drink up your anphalax
"your shawl is quite fecthing my dear"
Luke says:
Just remember: when your hip breaks in two, it's the ice flo for you.
Frostbottom says:
true dat
remember, snitches get stiches
or extra refried liver, i can never remember
Luke says:
I like refried liver
Frostbottom says:
I miss my family
and my teeth
Luke says:
I'm looking after them remember?
Frostbottom says:
Which back in those days where called mouth knives, though we didn;t have regular knives on account of the war, oh the spings where beautiful with the flowers the grass and the trees, known back then as wood grass.....what was i talking about again?
Luke says:
We were looking for your glasses I think
Frostbottom says:
Oh right
i miss my family
Luke says:
They never come and vist
visit*
I'm forgetting letter on account of alzeimers
Frostbottom says:
I too sometimes forget setters, but theres no need to brag about your airliners
Luke says:
They mash my steak these days, I got to drink it through a straw.
Frostbottom says:
A straw!
How i wish i could get a straw, they blend it and jam straight into my kidneys!
Luke says:
KIDNEYS?! You had it lucky, they only invented body parts after the ice age. We survived on pure will-power, the strongest emotion.
Frostbottom says:
WILL POWER?
You rich bastard you, we couldn't afford any will power, we where all spineless cowards/balls of energy
Luke says:
There's no shame in that, back in 'nam I got a little scared too, on account of having to fight 6 lions and a polar bear. I come out on top though, there's no killing me, they don't make people like they used to...
Frostbottom says:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.
Luke says:
Bunch of ingrates. I've worked my whole life paying taxes so that those hoodlums can slack about all day.
Frostbottom says:
With their low pants and hippity hop music, doesn't make me want to hippity hop
Luke says:
No indeed
Frostbottom says:
Quite rightly so
Luke says:
What?
Speak up.
Frostbottom says:
Huh?
Luke says:
I forget
Frostbottom says:
Im cold
Luke says:
I'm hungry
Frostbottom says:
I can't complain for much longer
Luke says:
How is that possible?
Frostbottom says:
The damn thief nurse won't give me my cigars
Luke says:
It's a conspiracy
I'm pretty sure they're printing the newspaper with smaller text too.
Frostbottom says:
And they've poisoned the water, i know i seen that blurry thief nurse at it!
Luke says:
Lucky I don't drink water.
Water's only good for swimming in.
I only trust my own urine.
Frostbottom says:
They put me in here for the same reason
Luke says:
The padded walls are nice aren't they?
Frostbottom says:
Probably full of rats
stolen rats
Luke says:
They might be my friends
I don't have many of those
Please Mr. Rat, be my friend!
Frostbottom says:
He'll only break your heart
Luke says:
Time for more Soma.
Frostbottom says:
Go up go up go up
Oh well time for some refried livHNNNNNNNNGGGGGG
Luke says:
Noooo

It is only losers that are prosecuted.

2010-05-26T23:45:00.000+10:00

NSW ruined my birthday by losing. Queensland ruined my birthday by winning. Victoria ruined my birthday by existing.

Actually it was a pretty rad day, easy math, looked at ukulele, lunch with parents, and some Bible study.

I'm a bit disappointed that I still feel the same as I did when I was 20. I've got a nice watch now though!

10 minutes til it's not my birthday.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

2010-05-25T23:07:00.000+10:00

I never hated math, I hated how my year 6 teacher taught math, but I never hated it. I never was heaps keen about it at school either. Well, math is getting its revenge on me now, within an hour it will be my 21st birthday, and in just under 10 hours I have a math test. Bah.

Math, I do like you now, all year in fact, call off the dogs!

Also, I've survived long enough for the earth to orbit the sun 21 times! Woo! Thanks God for helping me with that.

Also also, NSW is giving me a present, the whole state has organised a gift for me. We're going to defeat the banana benders. My whole family is against me, parents from Queensland, siblings from ~~Mexico~~ Victoria... I'm a lonely New South Welsh man.

3/4 of an hour to go...

enervated but disquiet

2010-05-15T23:16:00.000+10:00

Can't sleep.

Until the End.

Nothingness dances for me.

Until the End.

Self-imposed immobilization.

Until the End.

Is anything what it seems?

Can't tell.

Until the End.

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.

2010-05-06T00:02:00.001+10:00

While I was walking home from Bible study I saw a van with its lights on. I wasn't sure if I should knock on the door and let them know, or if they would find that rude considering it was somewhere after 10.30 pm. I didn't decide what to do for long enough that I made the choice without thinking about it, by just keeping on walking. I felt a little bit bad, but I'm still not sure what I should have done.

I'm going to be 21, and thus a for real person, in 20 days since it is now the 6th of may. Clearly that means I should have a party, but I'm not keen on doing something that will involve a lot of work for me or anyone else. Maybe an afternoon tea thing. Obviously mum is heaps keen to cook stuff for me, because I'm her favourite and cooking is her favourite activity. Maybe.

I've been spending a bit of time since I got my computer at the start of the year organising my itunes, the artist name and stuff like that was easy to fix up since most of it was already right, but the album artwork was non-existent since the last time I used itunes they were still only onto the second generation of ipods. I'm nearly finished now, I only have about 200 songs to go, some of which are going to be deleted. Actually, probably most.

What's with the mathematics quote as a heading I hear you say, or see you sign if you're deaf/mute/whatever, well, I've been doing a pretty easy math subject at uni. Now you're saying, why then does it say difficulties if it is easy? It makes it too boring. So my difficulties are not as great as Einstein's difficulties. Particularly since he's dead. I feel like this is not an effective medium for this but I want to tell the world that Einstein did not actually do badly in school, it's a myth kids, he was smart, he did well in class.

It's getting cold, I wore proper winter clothes for the first time for a full day today. I like the cold. Summer's a bummer, but winter is... quainter? I don't know. winter wins.

I've been on the run, this shadow weighs a ton, It's starting to make sense to me.

It is appallingly obvious our technology has exceeded our humanity

2010-01-23T14:59:00.000+11:00

I got a new computer powered by a sinister blend of magic and technology. Since sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, though,
I'm not sure in what proportion. My old one's motherboard is broken. That seems almost magical too, like alien mother ships. I'm not even sure the problem is actually inside the computer or orbiting the planet.

It seems that technology has to have an 'i' at the start of it's name to be taken seriously, ipod has influenced our minds immensely. The computer has an i3 processor. It's the lowest of the new series, but apparently vastly improved on anything else.

I feel like I'll be lynched for saying it, but Windows 7 doesn't really seem like it has improved anything from Vista, I certainly didn't have any problems with the old one.

I also spent $130 on itunes. Some Deerhoof, some Weezer and some Owl City. I know Deerhoof and Weezer is rad, but I bought Owl City for my sister, it might be lame.

That is probably all for now, have a Mchappy day.

Any investors?

2009-12-09T17:25:00.000+11:00

Frostbottom says:
this holiday is far too peaceful
Luke says:
not peaceful here
I bought Them Crooked Vultures
Frostbottom says:
......as opposed to all those parallel ones?
Luke says:
the self titled album
Frostbottom says:
any good?
Luke says:
yeah, it's sweet hot
Dave Grohl, Josh Homme and John Paul Jones
Frostbottom says:
Dave grohl? nice
Luke says:
yeah
So that's basically Nirvana/Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age and Led Zeppelin all represented in one band
Frostbottom says:
yay
Luke says:
It's mostly just
Queens of the Stone Age music though
Frostbottom says:
still
sounds good
Luke says:
yeah
I've been listening to it all day
Frostbottom says:
im sure your driving everyone else insane
Luke says:
meh
Frostbottom says:
...for some reason i really feel the urge to go to a pub
probably some sort of raging alcoholism
Luke says:
perhaps
Frostbottom says:
but most likely thirst
Luke says:
hmm I'd say it's a mental obsession
Frostbottom says:
maybeer
Luke says:
I'd invite you over here, but my parents like sleep and stuff
Frostbottom says:
sleep is for the weak
Luke says:
indeed
I'm trying to get into the best sleep pattern, four blocks of half an hour of sleep per day
Frostbottom says:
ah yes, i've heard of that
Luke says:
the best thing is after a while you end up more rested than everyone else
you get two hours of REM sleep, instead of one and a half
Frostbottom says:
spend all that time drawing on the sleepers faces
Luke says:
I'll become awesome at art
Frostbottom says:
a new career path
Luke says:
I'll make a webcomic of sleeping people face art
Frostbottom says:
you'll get a late night tv show
the face of art
art attack, facefull of money
Luke says:
If I use permanant marker people will eventually show up on antiques road show asking how much their face is worth
Frostbottom says:
for generations to come, people will whisper the tale of the midnight marker
Luke says:
cheap imitations will crop up
people will know better though
The midnight marker did not deal in smut
Frostbottom says:
they will be known as biros
Luke says:
I could even find that girl who fell asleep at the tattoo parlour and add more stars
Frostbottom says:
lol
Luke says:
I'll be a ninja tattoo artist
Frostbottom says:
you'll be at war with the sticker pirates
Luke says:
Their secret move is to get those apple sticker onto people
They cause friendships to crumble as one person holding an apple is blamed for the sticker on the other person
Frostbottom says:
brother turns on brother and blood is spilt on the streets, all the while the nefarious sticker pirates profit from the violence in order to bling their sticker pads
this could be a movie
i would see this movie
Luke says:
A war where the opposite sides never actually see each other, they just start by tagging the same person
then they escalate the tagging
The pirates got obama, we need to get the queen
Frostbottom says:
half tattoo half sticker...all vengence
Luke says:
One man has become a ninja and a pirate, he is a master of both crafts
Frostbottom says:
actually this is sort of sounding like that underworld movie
except more serious
Luke says:
hmm
yeah
ok, the ninja pirate retires early and spends his time engraving watches
so both factions endeaver to get him out of retirement
Frostbottom says:
does he hide one up his ass
/
/
Luke says:
he engraves them in his ass
Frostbottom says:
talented
Luke says:
the most talented ever
he resists them at first, but soon a new threat emerges
knitting nazis
BUM BA BUM
Frostbottom says:
THE END?
Luke says:
no
He works for the pirates and the ninjas to eradicate the nazis, in the process picking up some knitting skills (what a gaybo)
He then decides that the ninjas and pirates are too dangerous
he goes about at first using their own powers against them, but then discovers that they are weak against an ass engraving to the face
The movie ends as he finally gets home
he goes to his front porch to sit on the rocking chair
Frostbottom says:
walks into the sunset, sad music playing
Luke says:
no
he discovers it's too painful to sit down, his powers are great, but they tax his body
it's a cautionary tale
Frostbottom says:
of course
something about being yourself or somesuch
don't do drugs
Luke says:
as the audience ponders this important message the credits roll
then a viking appears from the waters

Frostbottom says:
THE END?
Luke says:
yes
but it's got an opening for a sequel
Frostbottom says:
the hero from the last one, need to train up a hot headed rookie, fresh off the force
Luke says:
If only Will Smith was younger
Frostbottom says:
could get keanu reeves to play fence post #12 or oak tree #42
Luke says:
His greatest role yet
most suited to him at least
Robert Downey Jr can play a cloud
Frostbottom says:
he's gunna have to earn that role
Luke says:
he's already high as a kite, no string work needed
Hmm, For the first movie the hero should probably be played by Johnny Depp or something, in the sequel he should be played by Sir Ian McKellen. It should also not be explained how the vikings rose to power and why the hero from the first movie didn't do anything about it for 50 years of their rule.

"lol" should be redefined as "Lack of laughter."

2009-11-19T18:34:00.000+11:00

It's original definition was "Laughing out loud" (also written occasionally as "Lots of Laughs"), used as a brief acronym to denote great amusement in chat conversations.

Now, it is overused to the point where nobody laughs out loud when they say it.
The list of its meanings includes, but is not limited to:
1) "I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to this conversation."
2) "I'm too lazy to read what you just wrote so I'm typing something useless in hopes that you'll think I'm still paying attention."
3) "Your statement lacks even the vaguest trace of humor but I'll pretend I'm amused."
4) "This is a pointless acronym I'm sticking in my sentence just because it's become so engraved into my mind that when chatting, I MUST use the meaningless sentence-filler 'lol.'"

That's all from urban dictionary, clearly someone else is having similar feelings about the term 'lol' to me. I think that it is overused andit is becoming meaningless. It's also very bland really, laugh out loud is such an obvious statement. I vote it gets changed to 'APOL' which will stand for A Paroxysm Of Laughter. It's a bit more intelligent and will hopefully lead to people properly communicating their emotions through a variety of examples of the English language. It's going to be a transitional thing looking forward to a time of better vocabulary. The spirit of the English language came to me in a dream, it wants me to avenge its death. Onwards I go!

Television has raised writing to a new low.

2009-11-18T22:52:00.000+11:00

Sometimes TV is awesome. I saw two ads in consecutive order, first a government ad proclaiming the dangers of gambling, then a bet 24/7 ad. If I gamble enough I could win a car, but then my friends are going to hate me because I'm not going to do anything with them anymore.

Also, I really quite want to see the new Coen Brothers movie. Based loosely on the book of Job from the Bible it combines Coen brother awesomeness and the Bible, albeit just as a Jewish thing, but it's good enough to make me think it'll be a good movie. I love a good picture show.

Also also, KFC ads are still terrible.

Finally, Mikey and I are learning 'The Distance'. We're heaps good musicians. Or might be sometime in the future...

I said that was finally so off I go.

A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar

2009-11-14T11:34:00.000+11:00

It's currently Movember, the time when men promote men's health by being real men. This is really the main reason I've started posting stuff here again after months of silence, I wanted to talk about why I'm not going for the conventional thing in regard to movember. I figured since I grow facial hair all the time it would be kind of pointless to grow a moustache for movember, so instead I decided to start styling my hair in a slight mohawk, but I haven't been bothered raising money for charity, probably wouldn't count anyway, so I'm giving up on it.

On an unrelated note, whoever designed the lock for DVD cases: You will rue the day you ever worked with plastics!

My Spectacular Vernacular: Rapacious, Voracious & Avaricious

2009-11-14T11:31:00.000+11:00

Rapacious, Voracious & Avaricious: they all mean greedy, and they greedily have multiple awesome words meaning the same thing... I don’t think any more needs to be said about them.

The strangely strange stranger on Omegle

2009-11-13T00:47:00.001+11:00

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: 1 naturo bar counts as 1 portion of your recommended daily 5 portions of fruit and veg
Stranger: hi
Stranger: yeah?
You: i just read that
Stranger: i get my fruits and veg otherwise
Stranger: bar
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i dont need some crazy
You: it seems odd to me
Stranger: naturo?
Stranger: dangerously close to naruto
You: that's why i bought it
Stranger: hahaha.
Stranger: it's proably just like
Stranger: a bar
Stranger: made of rubber
Stranger: and vitamins
Stranger: i dunno.
Stranger: what does it consist of
You: i just ate it
Stranger: verdict?
You: it does taste like rubber
Stranger: mmmmmmm
You: i'm throwing the rest out
Stranger: good idea
Stranger: i don't trust any food these days
Stranger: everythings poisoned or preserved or...
Stranger: just
Stranger: fucked.
You: yeah
Stranger: better than food elsewhere though i shouldnt be complaining, but still, shit gives you cancer.
You: I'm going to have to become an oxygenarian
You: actually...
Stranger: whats that?
You: I hear oxygen causes ageing
You: can't do that
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i heard that too.
You: oxygenarian is like vegetarian, but no vegetables...
Stranger: oxygen isn't like
Stranger: great for you
Stranger: it what makes your body slowly deteriorate
Stranger: but its also what keeps you alive so it's like
Stranger: two edged i guess
Stranger: ohhh i see
You: hmm
Stranger: having an oxygen bar would be good times, but i wouldnt do it
You: gotta way up ageing against not living
Stranger: unless i needed it
Stranger: gotta find a way to live forever
Stranger: i'd live forever if i knew how to
You: weigh, obviously there
Stranger: despite all the shit and boredom i'd go through
Stranger: i'd be willing to endure it all.
You: i don't think I wanna live past 70 or 80
You: somewhere round there
Stranger: if i didn't age
Stranger: and at age 100 i looked and felt like, 20
Stranger: i'd be fine
You: true
Stranger: and just didn't age
Stranger: but then that would get like
Stranger: fishy
Stranger: and you'd be very lonely
Stranger: when people are like "why don't you age lol?"
You: I might make about 200 in that case
You: then get sick of it
Stranger: you'd learn so much shit
Stranger: yeah. i'd probably get bored or addicted to some kinda drug or something
You: probably OD eventually
You: might be for the best...
You: i've never experienced death or over dosing, so I'm not sure
Stranger: even if it was possible to live forever... you wouldnt want everyone living forever anyways. it would just destroy your resources. just maybe like. incredibly smart people
Stranger: meh, it's not really the experience of it
Stranger: it's the result of it
You: true enough
You: Would culling the stupid mean that the IQ would permanantly rise?
Stranger: i guess so.
You: I think in a social evolution way, but not a biological one
Stranger: just because theyre smart though doesnt necessarily make them logical
Stranger: they might be like mad scientist types though
Stranger: i dunno
Stranger: why would we need to biologically evolve anymore when we already have everything made for the way we are?
You: well, if you were choosing who to keep would you keep those with logic, or book smarts?
Stranger: except pinky toes are slowly getting less and less prominent
You: I guess and really?
You: I hadn't noticed
Stranger: and yeah, social evolution is all thats left pretty much.
Stranger: i dunno, you need a combo of both
Stranger: to feed off eachother
You: I guess so
Stranger: and yeah well, that's what i hear anyways. about the toes
Stranger: cause we drive everywhere and have shoes and idk
Stranger: dont really need em
Stranger: for walking nowadays
Stranger: and i swear fingernails are getting smaller but maybe thats just me
You: hmm
You: I think I'd try to get a percentage of logical thinkers and a percentage of informationally rich people
You: like 20% book smarts and 80% logical thinkers
You: the ones with the facts would then teach the logical ones, who would then process that information to create a better world or something
You: or make more nasal sprays for better erections
Stranger: ahahah.
Stranger: better erections = better world
You: one and the same
Stranger: but yeah, i think you're right
You: time to take over the world then
Stranger: logical thinkers could do something crazy though and like power monger
You: hmm
Stranger: because they hate the world because they know too much
You: I need to keep the physically weak
Stranger: and do it for the people hahaha
Stranger: just make them smoke a ton of weed and then they'll start loving life
You: seems to be a good, yet completely different scenario
Stranger: do you smoke pot?
You: no
You: I would if I could though
You: I hear it's reasonably fun
Stranger: oh
Stranger: yeah it's fun
Stranger: opens your eyes to a lot of shit too
Stranger: i know that sounds stupid
Stranger: but it just makes you more... aware
Stranger: of things that you weren't before
Stranger: it's interesting.
You: aware of what?
Stranger: just things.
Stranger: like
Stranger: body language
Stranger: that people overlook
Stranger: little things
You: ah
Stranger: processing of things
Stranger: the "big picture"
Stranger: creative ideas.
Stranger: it also makes music like 50x better
You: I had heard that
You: That's the main reason I'd try it
Stranger: it doesnt "change your life" or anything
Stranger: it's just nice to chill out with at the end of a long fuckign day
Stranger: makes you feel better.
Stranger: if you smoke it all the time you just feel like shit anyways
You: I guess I kinda find that with beer
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: plus marijuana is healthier in comparasin to alcohol
Stranger: alcohol will do all kinds of crap to your body and mind permanently
Stranger: at most smoking weed, the smoke will hurt your throat but theres way to get around that
You: yeah
Stranger: and the only mental negatives are temporary
Stranger: and are always restored
Stranger: sooooooo
Stranger: it's a win win
Stranger: like once i started smoking weed i'm not even that interested in drinking anymore
Stranger: because it's so much better.
Stranger: no hangover, you feel way better
You: fair enough
Stranger: you don't make an ass of yourself and it's juts fun
Stranger: D.A.R.E. and the media and shit makes it out to be like heroin or something
Stranger: but it just
Stranger: makes you love things more.
Stranger: and appreciate more
Stranger: i dunno
Stranger: it's good shit
You: yeah
Stranger: i should really go to bed though, it's extremely late (or early, lol)
You: I was thinking that
You: midnight...
Stranger: ... 6:23am
Stranger: i have no obligations
Stranger: today
Stranger: so i figured what the hell
You: Fair enough
You: I need to finish two essays for tomorrow
You: but procrastination is way more fun
You: it's only uni
Stranger: isn't it always?
You: yeah
Stranger: first year?
You: second
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i graduated high school last summer, taking a year off right now before uni
Stranger: just working
You: I wish I had've done that
Stranger: trying to get a full-time job, i have a part-time one right now but it sucks and my boss sucks.
Stranger: so.
You: I just went straight on to uni
Stranger: lame
Stranger: yeah, i definitely knew this is what i wanted
You: Pros and cons
Stranger: people were so annoying about it though
Stranger: warning me that i'll "NEVER GO BACK" and shit
Stranger: i know i'll go back, i have 0 intention of working at wal-mart
You: yeah
Stranger: for all my life
Stranger: yeah.
Stranger: i dont work there now, but you know.
You: not exactly a good career
Stranger: no sir
Stranger: what are you taking?
You: taking as in course?
You: teaching
You: pre-school teaching
You: playing with play dough all day
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: aw that's fun
Stranger: my boyfriend is going into education too
Stranger: for high-school, though
You: ah
Stranger: and maybe a professor eventually
You: I could never be a professor
You: not enough authority around other adults
You: little kids listen though
You: plus it's easy to be a pre-school teacher here when you're a guy, everyone wants you to succeed
Stranger: the stuff kids go through in pre-school and early child-hood affects them for the rest of their life subconsciously
Stranger: what they learn back then is basically the basis of all of their morals
You: indeed
Stranger: i'm probably going into design studies
You: I can create my world of intellectuals by starting early
Stranger: film in particular
You: rad
Stranger: dunno where i'm gonna go with it though, just see where it takes me i guess.
Stranger: hahah yeah
Stranger: little soldiers
Stranger: brain soldiers.
You: you could make propaganda films to further brainwash them
Stranger: your mommy is wrong.
Stranger: this is the truth kids
Stranger: haha. i went to a scientologist preschool
Stranger: well
Stranger: it was a preschool
You: wow
You: I had no idea they had those
Stranger: the principal was a scientologist, and he constantly got in shit for forcing his views upon the kids
You: ah
Stranger: haha yeah
Stranger: w/e nothing really happened from it
You: So it didn't influence your views?
Stranger: naw
Stranger: i didn't even remember anything he said
You: you know what not to do to brainwash kids then, since that didn't work.
Stranger: thing*
Stranger: ahaha.
Stranger: i probably didn't care/wasn't listening/doing my own think
Stranger: thats right!
Stranger: scientologists for once did something constructive
Stranger: that's refreshing.
You: haha
You: I need to find out more about what they believe...
You: at the moment it's just 'Tom Cruise is one, they're nutters' for me
Stranger: all i know is what i learned off a southpark episode pretty much
Stranger: basically they believe this crazy story about aliens and volcanos and idk
Stranger: their gods name is Xenu
You: warrior princess?
Stranger: the guy who created the religion was also a sci-fi writer so... you can do the math
Stranger: haha maybe?
Stranger: basically it's just a bunch of made up bullshit... just like every other religion pretty much
You: so, yes, they're nutters
Stranger: completely
Stranger: oh and also i should mention it's a big scam
Stranger: and they ask for money all the time and you have to like
Stranger: pay your superiors in the religion money to find out more about it
Stranger: to get let in on the "secrets" of it
You: ah
You: and the secret is that now that you're high enough you can take money from people
You: franchising
You: Pyramid scheme religion
Stranger: yep
Stranger: i hope so
Stranger: well john travolta being an actor and charasmatic and all
Stranger: with his status
Stranger: he could easily persuade people to give him fuck tons of money
Stranger: eventually if he retires from acting he could potentially just like scam people for the rest of his life
You: At least it's not voodoo and there's no goat testicles involved
Stranger: haha very true
Stranger: goat testicles huh?
You: yeah, they have this ceremony where they cut open a live goat's scrotum and take them out, pass them round
You: then they snort magic mushrooms
You: as far as I'm concerned they did that in the wrong order
Stranger: omg wtf
You: yup
Stranger: ahahah i agree
Stranger: that's insane
Stranger: scientologists do this?
You: not that I know of
You: voodoo
You: k, Ima sleep now, I'm way tired
Stranger: ahh i see
You: thanks for the rad convo
Stranger: yeah same
Stranger: yeah thanks :)
Stranger: it was nice chatting, you seem really cool
You: you too
You: that convo went off tap straight off
You: k
You: bye
Stranger: night
Stranger: have a good sleep :)
You have disconnected.

My Spectacular Vernacular: Astute

2009-07-11T21:29:00.000+10:00

I used to love the word after a discussion with That Lady and Karen about it, and how they didn’t know what it meant, but between the three of us we pieced together a meaning. I remembered it after they used the word a lot in stage 3 of le tour, which was awesome, massive breakaway with 20kms to go. The commentators kept saying how astute the riders in the breakaway had been to make use of the wind to get a good gap. They also used the word in stage 5 after Voeckler won the stage by 7 seconds. This word does share a lot with destitute, I liked this one first, I just remembered destitute first. I pretty much like them both because they sound rad, but I also like the meaning and obscurity of this one. Astute refers to a person or an action which is shrewd, or of good judgement. I guess that since shrewd can be good or bad cleverness astute is used just to describe the good type of shrewdness. It is often used when people make intelligent decisions quickly as opposed to planned actions.

Foxiality

2009-07-11T15:13:00.000+10:00

I made this picture, It wasn't supposed to look like anything in particular to begin with, but it ended up better than I expected looking like a fox running through a hilly countryside area. I pretty much just wanted to do something to say 'this is what I think being on drugs would look like'. Hallucinogens obviously. I don't often feel artistic in this manner, so I enjoy it when it turns out well. Ima try and get some photos I took on my phone onto this site, it might take a while though.

2009-07-10T16:50:00.000+10:00

I’m writing my resume at the moment, I got a guide for writing a resume cause I haven’t done it properly before. They all focus on previous employment, I haven’t been employed previously though. I’ve been told that a good place to start is to do a course for responsible service of alcohol. Ima work in a pub, I’ll make everyone call me barkeep! It’ll be rad! I’ll probably still apply at various retail places as well. It’s kind of lame that I’m just applying for my first job and my younger siblings are too. In fact Kate’s already applied for things ahead of me. Dang.

After the 6th stage of Le Tour I decided I’d go home before everyone went to bed/home, as I left I said ‘Cancellara’ and everyone thought I said ‘Catch you later’ I think. I hope they did anyway.

My sell-out move has been going great guns, I’ve earned $8! Maybe I won’t need to get a real job after all... or maybe I will. I tried to change the way the ad looked, but it didn’t seem to work. Meh, commercialism is enough work as it is without having to actually put effort into it.

I just had a thought of a robot monkey, that’d be way rad! It’d make me redundant though

My Spectacular Vernacular: Zounds

2009-07-09T12:24:00.000+10:00

I’ve liked this word since studying ‘Othello’, but my interest was stimulated again recently by the movie ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’. It was my second favourite thing they said in Othello, first being ‘they’re making the beast with two backs’, it’s a great way to talk about adult things and have kids not have any clue what you’re on about. It was also my second favourite thing in ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’, the first of that being ‘Sink me’. Zounds was a swear word and a contraction of God’s wounds. This has been explained in two ways, first it’s blasphemous to say that God could have wounds, or it’s referring to Jesus and the wounds that were inflicted on him for our sins. Whichever one it is people don’t use it now and probably wouldn’t be offended by it.

My spectacular vernacular: destitute

2009-07-08T15:05:00.000+10:00

I want to introduce some continuity to this thing, thus I'm going to have a discussion about words that I like and wish to use more often. Today I'm liking destitute (dĕs'tĭ-tūt',-tyūt'). It's very much a whimsical thing, but I find the word appealing. Probably all the words I'll say in this will not have any real reasons for liking them, they'll just sound cool. Destitute basically means lacking, many people think it only applies to lack of money apparently, but that's not the case. I think it can be applied in relation to a lack of anything, so I have an Ivory umbrella stand destitution... I’ll have to do something about that.
There you have it, that's the first word that I've been enjoying lately, there should be more a'coming.

There are more fools in the world than there are people.

2009-07-07T12:18:00.000+10:00

Last night after the awesome third stage of Le Tour there was a lot of ice on car windscreens. The others who were driving spent time removing ice from their cars, using the heater and an old CD. I decided to just drive home with my head out the window. In retrospect it wasn’t my wisest choice... It was fun though. I had to have the window open on the other side so that when I was turning left so I could see where I was going. Cold temperatures and high speeds tend to lead to cold faces, it’s a harsh consequence for such an early hour.

This morning I slept in awesome, it was 11.30 when I woke up. I would’ve slept longer probably but the phone was ringing incessantly. It was mum, she wanted me to bring a dish to the school. I went straight away, and felt unsafe on the road. I hate driving when I’m tired. When I got to the school I realised it was recess time, and as I climbed out of my car the teenagers all started talking to me at once. Some of them recognised me from the time when I was present at the school, particularly from when I dressed up as a Neo-Nazi for my year 12 assembly, yelling ‘Achtung!’ at me, as my only lines in the act had been to yell that to make everyone listen to the more ‘important’ lines. One person started saying ‘Hey Jesus, Jesus, over here! Show me your hands! Fix my water for me, I’m having a party!’ There was a lot of expletives scattered throughout the list of things he said. I got the feeling that he had grown up in a Christian home, but thought other things were right. It still tickled me pink to be compared to Jesus, the kid may have thought I was insulted, but I was far from it.

The more things change, the more they remain... insane

2009-07-03T00:46:00.000+10:00

Every time I’m away from home for any substantial period of time I always assume on my return that everything will have changed drastically, but everything remains, invariably the same. It’s when I’m at home and not expecting change that it always seems to happen. I only just noticed that they’ve put a new chicken shop into the local super market, I had thought there was still a bakery where the chicken place now is. I have no idea how long it’s been there, the main problem being how infrequently I go shopping, and how little attention I pay to the shops when I go shopping, as it’s usually nearly closing time when I turn up. I have also considered the possibility that I have noticed the change but forgotten it, multiple times, next time I go shopping I may forget that the chicken shop is there again. This train of thought leads me to a fight club-esque scenario playing out in my head whereby I go shopping a lot without realising, because it’s the other person in my head who is shopping. I wouldn’t like to be called Tyler though, so I’m feeling pretty safe in that respect.

I noticed today that there are a lot of weeds in my back yard which are quite firmly established, they have definitely been growing for at least a couple weeks, but I’m only just noticing. I’m not likely to do anything about them such as removing them or poisoning them, I kinda like the lush green they add to the garden. Maybe I’ll use them to feed animals next time my family is out of town instead of paying for pet food. I’m sure Kate’s guinea pig will be fine with that, and Toby’s budgie will take it as a supplement for its diet, not a replacement, but the cat... not likely. Last time my family went to Queensland the cat ran out of food and I gave it my leftovers, mostly chicken which I constantly over catered for myself. Since then the cat’s interest in food has risen above dry food and she waits til after dinner to be sure she can’t get anything better, she often does get something better. I just thought I was getting off topic, but that was about change, and this is about changing subjects so it’s fine.

I’m going to change from writing to sleeping. Yeah, that’ll work good.